White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize