see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
