If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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