I think I am morally bankrupt
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize