Fine. I'll sleep in my office
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Never joke about your clitoris.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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