Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
