your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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