I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
