My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
