Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
