she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
