Dual....:-)
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
