I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize