if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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