He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That accounts for only three of the penises
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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