Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
