Umm I'm too high to move.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
