Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
