oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
