Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
