If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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