Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
