Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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