he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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