We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
