My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
