where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
