Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
