You're earring is so big in my mouth
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize