I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
