she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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