'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
farters have to be the big spoon...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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