my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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