when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
