Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
