I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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