fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
