Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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