I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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