how can u be prego again
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
