I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
