in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
