you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
