If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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