I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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