she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
