ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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