Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
false alarm, still single
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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