I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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