I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he was CRYING into my vagina
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
