She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
