Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
