Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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