i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize