just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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