Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
