some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
