the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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