p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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