I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
that's an acceptable place to lick
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
