I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
