I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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