I cockslap morals
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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