I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
