i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
