Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
