I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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