90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
nutella sex= disaster
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I have feelings that need drinking.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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