Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
