Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
