I think im going to throw up on grandma
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
So squirting runs in the family.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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