my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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