the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
