Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
