The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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