Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
are you still at the devil's house?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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