I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
