I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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