just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
