After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
