i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
