if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
