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• (586): View more from Michigan

  their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  and what kinds of feelings would these be?

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Happy, horny, occasionally hungry

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended

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• (727): View more from Florida

  just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday

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• (206): View more from Washington

  When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  "drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..

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• (425): View more from Washington

  You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.

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• (331): View more from Illinois

  decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not

  (727): View more from Florida

  And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now

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