Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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