I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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