i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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