Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
