so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize