what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
