Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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