Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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