I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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