honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Two words: blizzard sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize